I started reading Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb today. I literally only read 7 pages and already found a game-changing quote. She talks about change and says this, “As a therapist, I know a lot about pain, about the ways in which pain is tied to loss. But I also know something less commonly understood: that change and loss travel together. We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.”. Mind blown.
Just before picking up this new book this morning I was having quite the pity party. I was self-loathing and shaming myself for the poor choices I made in my diet over the weekend. I was riddled with thoughts of displeasure and discontent due to said lack of discipline. Then I read this and just laughed. How can I expect to have abs without losing something?
If you want abs, you will have to lose a little weight and likely let go of old bad habits and food choices, such as many beers and big bowls of ice cream. The loss you have for change is not always an all or nothing, but it is not what it was before. You may lose time, money, patience, people, or love. Change requires this loss to exist, so whether you like this fact or not, you have to decide if change is what you really what or if there is something else you are searching for.
You can also view change as the result of the loss. This mind-shift could help you to process the new and different situation you are in. Maybe you didn’t have a choice. Maybe loss happened, and now you are different. That is ok. Then you can now work on the pain and loss part Gottlieb refers to in her book.
No matter what, this was an excellent reminder. A reminder that while change can be good, it is not always all roses. Loss is not something to be feared because it means change is coming; you just have to determine if change is something you are ok with.